How a first visit feels.
A short guide to your first BDSM party: what to expect, how to behave around play, and who to ask if you are unsure.
First time at a BDSM party?
If this is your first BDSM party, you may wonder what to expect. Every party is different, so it is impossible to describe it exactly in advance. You will likely see people in fetish clothing and people doing different BDSM activities, such as spanking or bondage. Sexual activity may also occur.
Come with an open mind. Sit with experienced members and ask if you are unsure about something; most people are happy to explain. You do not need to know everything beforehand, but you do need to respect other people's boundaries, play, and privacy.
You do not have to be active
There is no pressure or expectation that you play or take part in BDSM activity. For some, a BDSM party means playing in a community where others may watch. For others, it means observing and taking in the atmosphere. Some come to talk with other members, and some come to dress in fetish clothing, see and be seen. All of these ways of attending are welcome.
Remember that this is a BDSM party, not a regular night out. BDSM activities take priority over other activities. The music and venue are set up around play, and you are expected to tolerate play happening in the room. If something feels too intense, you can step back into the lounge area.
You may watch, but do not interfere
People who play in open areas know that others may watch. Still, observing and interfering are very different things. Do not join someone else's play without invitation, do not touch another person's submissive, dominant, tools, or equipment, and do not make negative comments about someone else's play.
It is okay to ask whether you may join or try something, but that must be agreed before play starts, and a no should be accepted gracefully. For many people, play is not over until aftercare is finished, so respect that space too.
Alcohol, safety, and questions
BDSM and alcohol do not mix well. If you intend to play, moderation is expected, and visibly intoxicated people may be asked to leave. Other substances are not allowed.
At the start of the party, the event lead and event monitors are introduced. They are there to answer questions, help if you are unsure, and enforce the rules. If you notice a rule breach, or simply need to ask about something during the event, talk to them.
Shared work
Our events are volunteer-run. Everyone is expected to clear their own cups, plates, and used equipment, and those still present near the end are expected to help with cleaning and tidying before they leave.